I think I'm dreaming. Don't wake me up.

Okay.

So, seeing the Ex-Love God pulled up a nerve.

It hurt so badly that he still made me so happy.

All the bad things went away and it was nice.

We joked, we laughed, we teased, we shared a deeper connection.

It was like time never passed.

And yet, in that moment, I knew that we could never be together.

I mean, it's been nearly 5 months.

5 months of ignoring each other and wondering why.

And where did I screw up?

And re-evaluating myself.

And then, one day ... next thing, it's like nothing had happened.

And I didn't even touch him.

No physical contact.

Yet, being around him was so blissful and soothing.

I felt content.

Not happy, content.

That's why I cried.

Because if he asked me out, I'd be back in his arms.

Just silent, enjoying the whispers of nothing and yet bursting with emotion.

And I don't want to go back.

Who gave him the right to just waltz back into my life?

I have a say in this.

I have never missed a guy so much in my life.

If he could hurt me so much before,why should I go through it again?

And I told him the truth.

Every time I talk to him, my life gets better.

Or at least, it feels that way.

And he feels the same way.

I make his day better.

Why would he leave if I did that?

And if he missed me so much, why didn't he say anything?

Not one word.

Silence is a cruel mistress.

Every time I saw him and he wasn't talking to me ...

That silence hurt.

And yet, my best memories involved saying nothing.

It's happening again.

I don't know if I can handle it.

But I'm going to try to enjoy it, right?

Here's to exes.

And all the emotions they inspire.

Tell Me How Am I Supposed To Go On, When My Heart's Still On A Diet.

I might have a shot with Warner.

I don't know why but I am super nervous.

It is just like with Tony.

It's going to be a summer fling and then, with fall comes the inevitable.

It sucks.

I wish that I could feel that emotion.

I was reading Oscar Wilde's "The Picture of Dorian Gray".

If I could only feel remotely as passionate as the Basil Hallward felt about Dorian Gray.

His words were so beautiful and filled with passion and life.

To feel that way, regardless of the reciprocity of my emotions would be a fantasy and a dream.

Reading those words were like a prophecy.

I want to try so hard for once.

Is it so wrong to fantasize about being in love rather than the thrill of human contact?

Even if I fail with Warner, I want to try this weird thing called love.

Hollywood has taken away any novelty to love.

Now, it's all just "Meet, smile, talk, sex, then love".

I don't want that.

I want compatibility, shared interests, conversation, romance,and physical attraction.

All this seems impossible but I will listen to Journey.

And "Don't stop Believing".

Good Night, World.

Just came to say,

Good Night, World;

Good Night!

Why did I do it?

All this work, and what does it get me?

Sleepless nights, with thoughts filled of you.

All that pain, that turmoil and sadness.

Locked inside, this aching frustration.

Just one glance, and then he just leaves.

So many words just to apologize.

Kiss me now, and leave with goodbyes.

All this tears and what does it get me.

Did I do it for a happy ever after?

So we'd be there, immortalized in time?

Was it lust or refugee from sadness?

An outlet for rage and desperation.

Just one good reason, that's all I ask.

In the crowd, I watch the show quiet.

She has never looked so well.

All my anguish adds to her beauty.

All this pain, see what it gets you.

So give me a knife, Give me a dream.

Give me a song, anything to feel!

Cause life is a Cabaret.

Words I'll never understand.

Life is my feeding plate.

And I'm far for 6 feet down.

Nothing is going according to plan.

Nothing takes me into consideration.

I guess, I was never part of the plan.

• Lost my train of thought. :p

Sex is one hell of a drug

I rarely truly fall for guys but I can't fight physical attraction. I will not lie, I was physically attracted to Logan. He's super cute and just plain adorable.

However, I can't shake this feeling I get off his friend, Patrick aka Chalup. I don't actually like Patrick and think he's a tad bit ridiculous and retarded but I enjoy the meaningless, and more often than not, sexual conversations we share. That and he is a rather excellent kisser and his body is amazing.

He's motivated me to work out until I too have a body that makes boys drool.

Hey, what can I say? Sex is one hell of a drug.

But maybe all my sexual escapades are to avoid having a serious relationship with a dim wit. Maybe I should try dating a girl. It can't be much worse than dating a guy, right?

I am confused and desire food. As alluring as sex is, it leaves one hungry.

Guys

I find myself ... falling this week

For the sex God ... as usual.

And this chap called Logan. Not really fell but I find him ... attractive?

Just gotta see how this goes.

Tired of falling for the Sex God.

Maybe ... one day ... I'll love someone and they'll love me back and it'd be beautiful. In the mean time, I need to get over Connor.

I feel you, Joanna. Do they think that walls can hide you? Even now, I'm at your window.

I hate that I keep falling over and over again. (>.<)

But I know, if he just smiled, I'd fall again. WHY?!

I can't always get what I want.

You Are ... You Are ... Beau ...

When

Not if

I fell

Not fall

Cause I'm in love with you

The way you talk and the way you smile

Strange, these words feel old

I guess it's been a while

But it just feels so right

To feel this way again

To want, To love, To live

Only for that moment when his hand touches your skin

And you melt inside thinking of everything

His hair, his eyes

The way he curves his lips to smirk

The playful way you guys fight

The way his arms would feel if they were around you.

Wake up stupid

Stop dreaming

You must realize that

You have no chance

You aint got it

You are ugly and that's all you will ever be

My mind keeps telling me all these cruel things that I pray are not true

But must be

If not why did he hate me

Why did he leave me

Why are we not together

Rather, I just write out my wishes

Hoping some cosmic, supernatural being will make them come true

Hoping he will say

"You are beautiful. You are a girl that would put Greek Mythology to shame. You are Aphrodite's incarnate. You are ... You are ..."

Hoping he will say, everything I already know, that my subconscious screams.

Why do I need these words to come from his lips before I believe them.

Why do I need his approval.

Girl, wake up.

You crazy.

Don't you realize that this is all the price of being a teen?

Young and foolish

Waiting for approval

Waiting for influence

Look in the mirror

Don't need to go no further

You are beautiful

You always have been

And with these words staring at me

I believe and I smile

I put the last period and leave my room

I am beautiful

I am a teen.