I think I'm dreaming. Don't wake me up.

Okay.

So, seeing the Ex-Love God pulled up a nerve.

It hurt so badly that he still made me so happy.

All the bad things went away and it was nice.

We joked, we laughed, we teased, we shared a deeper connection.

It was like time never passed.

And yet, in that moment, I knew that we could never be together.

I mean, it's been nearly 5 months.

5 months of ignoring each other and wondering why.

And where did I screw up?

And re-evaluating myself.

And then, one day ... next thing, it's like nothing had happened.

And I didn't even touch him.

No physical contact.

Yet, being around him was so blissful and soothing.

I felt content.

Not happy, content.

That's why I cried.

Because if he asked me out, I'd be back in his arms.

Just silent, enjoying the whispers of nothing and yet bursting with emotion.

And I don't want to go back.

Who gave him the right to just waltz back into my life?

I have a say in this.

I have never missed a guy so much in my life.

If he could hurt me so much before,why should I go through it again?

And I told him the truth.

Every time I talk to him, my life gets better.

Or at least, it feels that way.

And he feels the same way.

I make his day better.

Why would he leave if I did that?

And if he missed me so much, why didn't he say anything?

Not one word.

Silence is a cruel mistress.

Every time I saw him and he wasn't talking to me ...

That silence hurt.

And yet, my best memories involved saying nothing.

It's happening again.

I don't know if I can handle it.

But I'm going to try to enjoy it, right?

Here's to exes.

And all the emotions they inspire.

Tell Me How Am I Supposed To Go On, When My Heart's Still On A Diet.

I might have a shot with Warner.

I don't know why but I am super nervous.

It is just like with Tony.

It's going to be a summer fling and then, with fall comes the inevitable.

It sucks.

I wish that I could feel that emotion.

I was reading Oscar Wilde's "The Picture of Dorian Gray".

If I could only feel remotely as passionate as the Basil Hallward felt about Dorian Gray.

His words were so beautiful and filled with passion and life.

To feel that way, regardless of the reciprocity of my emotions would be a fantasy and a dream.

Reading those words were like a prophecy.

I want to try so hard for once.

Is it so wrong to fantasize about being in love rather than the thrill of human contact?

Even if I fail with Warner, I want to try this weird thing called love.

Hollywood has taken away any novelty to love.

Now, it's all just "Meet, smile, talk, sex, then love".

I don't want that.

I want compatibility, shared interests, conversation, romance,and physical attraction.

All this seems impossible but I will listen to Journey.

And "Don't stop Believing".

Good Night, World.

Just came to say,

Good Night, World;

Good Night!

Why did I do it?

All this work, and what does it get me?

Sleepless nights, with thoughts filled of you.

All that pain, that turmoil and sadness.

Locked inside, this aching frustration.

Just one glance, and then he just leaves.

So many words just to apologize.

Kiss me now, and leave with goodbyes.

All this tears and what does it get me.

Did I do it for a happy ever after?

So we'd be there, immortalized in time?

Was it lust or refugee from sadness?

An outlet for rage and desperation.

Just one good reason, that's all I ask.

In the crowd, I watch the show quiet.

She has never looked so well.

All my anguish adds to her beauty.

All this pain, see what it gets you.

So give me a knife, Give me a dream.

Give me a song, anything to feel!

Cause life is a Cabaret.

Words I'll never understand.

Life is my feeding plate.

And I'm far for 6 feet down.

Nothing is going according to plan.

Nothing takes me into consideration.

I guess, I was never part of the plan.

• Lost my train of thought. :p